Jules
im missing you @ 6:41 a.m. on 2003-02-07
T is reading this book that I sent her by Milena Milani.
I can remember reading this book and often confusing myself of whether I was reading my own journals' or someone elses. I felt what Jules was going through like I didn't feel myself when I was a kid. She made up for that.
I have an excerpt that I wanted to share...
"...Everything tied me down.
A sense of freedom was the sixth sense for me; it was all the senses put together. But freedom was something I couldn't have.
Freedom for Jules meant doing what Jules wanted.
Me, Jules.
I wanted to run about, I didn't want to eat when it was lunch time, or go for a swim when others went for a swim, or study when others studied: I wanted to read what I was told not to read, leave Senigallia if Senigallia made me feel unhappy, hit Amerigo, not write any more to Lorenzo, make fun of Serafina, disobey my mother, not listen to the fiduciaria, and not pray when Father Dario told me to pray.
And, in fact I didn't pray; I didn't say either the Ave Maria or the Pater Noster; and I didn't say any of the other dozens of prayers I had learned at catechism class.
I said prayers of my own; I talked to God in a language I had invented myself...."
-Milena Milani,
"A Girl Called, Jules"
I think this book was the greatest Flea Market item that I have ever found.
When I read this book, it helped me to accept things that had happened in the past that I had never even acknowledged because I was ashamed...let alone accept. Jules helped me to fill that void in my life.